It comes in waves

After a messy breakup I've taken myself off Facebook. It already seems I've gained days worth of hours simply by not checking it, and evidently it's given me some breathing space to get creative again. Hence, hello again :)

What's new? I moved to Kingston four months ago to start a new job as the trainee manager of Lush. It's been a totally mad few months, but I'm enjoying the challenge. This year has taken me to some really unexpected places (both psychologically and physically) and it's led me to think about where I might end up next year.

I've planned a trip to Bali at the end of March, partly because it's something I've wanted to do for a really long time, and partly because I need to space to breathe and meditate and find my centre of balance again. And I can't really foresee that happening in London! I'm really excited but nervous to go that far away on my own. I'm planning on going to a silent yoga retreat for the first few days, and I also want to learn to surf and explore as much as I can in the short space of time I'm there.

I kind of feel like I'm in free fall at the moment. Everything I thought I knew has changed, and it's pretty terrifying. I know eventually this space in my life will lead to something better, but in the mean time I've just got to keep doing little things to ground me and make me feel good again. Today that came in the form of an impromptu trip down to Brighton.

Sitting on the seafront, watching the waves throw themselves forward, sea salt on my lips again, I felt like me again for the first time in weeks. I miss the sea.

The one where I get my running shoes back on

Watching F.R.I.E.N.D.S from the very first episode, and going for an early evening run in the sunshine; days off don’t get much better. 

I’ve applied for a charity place in the 2016 London Marathon for Beat, fingers and toes crossed that I get a place, but there is a teeny tiny part of me that knows that if I get the place, that means I’ll have to up my training (i.e. start running regularly again) and get back out there. Bums. In the mean time it’s a good excuse to get outside and make the most of these lovely sunny days. Today’s run was hard. I was flemmy and full of hay-fever, and had a twinge in my right calf, but boy did it feel good. It was that perfect kind of time in the evening, when most people are eating their dinner so it’s quiet out, the wind was a blessing, and the sun low enough that it wasn’t cutting my line of vision. 

This week we went to an Annie’s Burger Shack F.R.I.E.N.D.S quiz night with work mates which was epic - pure nostalgia twinned with my competitive streak. We didn’t win (booo!) but we got 50/65 points which was pretty good considering none of us have watched the TV show in years.

What else is new? I found myself dotted around in different Lush shops over the last two weeks, first in Kingston Spa, then Sheffield. Both places I’d never been to before, but Kingston was by far my favourite, it was bloody lovely. I think it helped the sun was shining, but it was just so idyllic, and the people were really friendly. Whilst in London I managed to squeeze in a visit to Lush Oxford St for more exclusive goodies (soon to be in stores! eeee!) and a rushed cuppa tea at Ali & Jim’s. All in all a fun road trip, and it made me rethink where I might like to live in the future…

Sweaty Betty Run Club

This morning I woke up (rather reluctantly), made myself some peanut butter and banana on toast (best breakfast in the world) & got my running gear on, ready to go to my first ever running club. Eeek!

It's never really appealed to me, running with other people. For me, running has always been about escapism: pounding the pavement in the dark when no one is around, letting myself go physically and emotionally. It's never really occurred to me that running could be enjoyable with other people around.

That shifted a little bit when I first did Race for Life, and I really did enjoy running the course whilst chatting to my best mate - it was a breeze compared to all my other runs up to that point. And obviously last weekend for the Brighton Half I was surrounded by people, but I didn't talk to anyone on the route much and I was still very much inside my own head. So today was quite a different experience for me.

The Nottingham SB run club only just started up a few week ago, so I guess they're still trying to drum up interest before people regularly settle into it. This morning it was just three of us including Lucy who was leading, but considering it was a small group it wasn't awkward at all. It was nice to have company & chatting away passed the time quickly. We ran from the shop down by the canal, wearing very attractive fluorescent yellow bibs, for about thirty-five minutes I guess, then back up to the city centre to Sneinton market to do some drills. The running bit was easy, the drills really hurt, but I know it'll be worth it long-term to improve my running style, pace, mobility etc etc. It's all for a good cause!

It's still a bit out of my comfort zone, running in a group, but I'm glad I went. It still amazes me that SB offer free classes in all their shops - I tried the Fly, Flex, Flow class out 3 weeks ago (drills, weights & yoga) and had an amazing time. If you can get booked in to any of their classes you must go - it's too good a resource to neglect. The ladies who work their are an absolute bloody delight too - always positive, encouraging, and generally lovely human beings.

Photo from Fly, Flex Flow last month courtesy of Sweaty Betty Nottingham :)

I'm going to try push myself to go regularly whenever I have Sundays off, what better way to start my day off? 

2:19:52

Barely 30 hours ago I completed the Brighton Half, and it already feels like some sort of surreal dream. If it wasn't for feeling like led weights were attached from my hips down, then I wouldn't count on it being more than a dream.

I wouldn't trade today's pain for anything - yesterday was immense. I was full of nerves before the race, & I'd spent most of this last week fretting about it and having dreams of running in treacle, forgetting all of my kit, and missing the start of the race. Every worry had crossed my mind, but I didn't let the fear get in the way of enjoying myself on race day.

Sure, two and a half hours is a long time to run, but I settled into a really good rhythm mentally, which kept me steady all the way round. The course takes you up towards the Marina, then all the way back down the coast up towards Hove. The stretch towards Hove seemed to go on forever, but my trusty playlist & the crowds kept me pumped. I took time to assess how I felt every so often - not 'Oh God my legs are killing me!' but more objectively, like 'What's tense? What's different? Am I swinging my arms freely? Am I hydrated enough? How's my footing?' A quick body scan every so often just to check in with myself, and then adjust accordingly. This really helped me run strong because I felt so conscious and aware of my movement - when normally I'd just switch off when running on the treadmill. I really wanted to be present and enjoy it as much as possible, after all I'd only be there running this exact day once!

The best advice I received was simply, to smile. I've just downloaded the audiobook of A Life Without Limits by Chrissie Wellington in which she dispensed this secret. Every time I felt like it was a struggle I forced a smile & it instantly flipped my mood.

Everything just seemed to click into place yesterday, and the only things that 'went wrong' per say, was when I squirted half of my first gel all up my arm (but I couldn't help but laugh at myself) and at the last drinks station when I momentarily queued up for the toilets, before deciding 40 seconds on that I could last until the end. It was the only kilometre where my pace was above 6:51which was very frustrating, but hey ho!

I was really chuffed with my time. I tried to place myself between the 2:15 and 2:30 pacers which seemed to work well. I'd love to work on bring my time down to 2 hours, that'll be the next challenge.

48 hours to go

Be mine Valentine

I spy with my little eye...

Photo courtesy of http://robryanstudio.com

A spoonful of sugar

In the lead up to the Brighton Half I'm trying really hard not to get sick. As I write I'm making my way through a plateful of orange segments, reading some blogs & having a wee panic about what will happen in less than two weeks time.

I've hit my fundraising target (woo hoo!) so that's one massive relief. I've just got to, ya know, run 13 miles and hope it's not too hot/cold/rainy on the day. I'm not very good at dealing with the unexpected, so this will be a bit of an interesting challenge. I know I can run, I've got legs so that's a start. But it's all the little worries like 'Oh god, we're staying in a hostel the night before, will I sleep enough? Will the beds be comfy? Will I wake up with shin splits after my next run? Will my stomach settle enough on the day to run for two hours with all that anxiety swimming around?' It's all the little 'what if' worries that are making me second guess it all. But it'll be worth it. I know it will be worth it.

If you run you are a runner

I've clocked up 64Km already this year, meaning if I continue at this rate I'll manage 760Km by the end of the year which seems insane. Running gives me this strange kind of joy I can't quite find anywhere else. When I'm happy, I run. When I'm angry, I run. It's a relief. It's redemption. It's this thing that feels bigger than me, like when I step out on to the pavement I am syncing up with the world, and I am suddenly much closer to everything. It's beginning to get strangely addictive - something I never thought I'd say about running.

This was on the Sweaty Betty bag I received with my last purchase.

This last week I've spent most of my hours in-between finishing work and drifting off to sleep, listening to an audiobook version of Born to Run by Christopher McDougall via Audible. It's so incredible the distances ultra-runners go for, and it's been really inspiring me to look at why I run, and what I should aim for. Every time I plug it in to my ear buds I want to run a little bit more, immediately. It's pure brilliance.

I have a confession

I feel like a fraud. For the past ten weeks I've been training on a treadmill. There it is, swing your punches, bring the abuse, I'm ready for it.

The race is in less than a month, and I've been happily plodding along each week in the gym, increasing my distance and time, but still not braving the elements and trying out my kit properly pre-race. That was until today. I feel relieved to have finally got it off my chest.

Following some advice from one of the girls at the Scope training day,  I incorporated some hills into the 11K today - although I could hardly not, being the type of person who does in fact live on top of a hill.) It slowed my pace but it was worthwhile, I'm sure my body will thank me in four weeks time. I also tried out one of the TORQ gels, which tasted bloody divine, and I'll be ordering some more just as soon as I finish writing this. It helped me refocus and freshen up at the 10K mark, and I felt like i could have kept going for longer, but my hips were killing me.

It was so beautiful running outside today. It was cold, but I warmed up quickly, and my mileage passed much quicker because I was so distracted by the route. I also only got beeped at once -bonus!- which is something that has always put me off running outside more. Ultimately I'd like to live in a world where I can venture outside to exercise and not be objectified, but it's a work in progress I guess.

Do you run inside on a treadmill, or outside braving the elements? Which do you prefer, and why?

I think from now on I'll mix it up a little bit, but with the weather brightening up I'm sure the outdoor runs will be more frequent.

25 days to go

Scope training day

This weekend I travelled down to London for a runners training session led by Rhian Martin at Scope HQ. I was pretty nervous, but I knew it'd be a good experience to get some final words of wisdom before the Brighton Half in 27 days (eek!)

Photo courtesy of http://www.run247.com

We covered lots of ground in the four hour session, from nutrition and kit, to a practical including running technique, speed work and stretching tips. We had a chat from a lovely lady from Six Physio  called Emily, who demonstrated how to use a foam roller - which I have since ordered... oh my goodness! Amazing. Who needs a personal masseuse when you've got a foam roller? 

We were also lucky to get a little goodie bag, including a TORQ gel which I'm looking forward to trying on my next run. Rhubarb and Custard flavour - will either be absolutely disgusting or amazing - will let you know.

I didn't meet anyone else doing the Brighton Half, most of the people there were either doing the London or Brighton marathon, but it was great to meet lots of like-minded people, all with different goals, experience and expectations for race day. It made me realise how up in Nottingham I don't really have anyone to talk about running with, or go and run with! I'll definitely rethink joining a running club, and getting out there a bit more. It's given me a massive boost of confidence and although I'm still nervous about Feb 22nd, I feel like I'm definitely doing the right thing. 

Things they never tell you about running

The dreaded black toe. I'd never heard that this was a common complaint that comes with running longer distances. They should stamp this on boxes for trainers like they do with cigarette warnings. It came as a wee bit of a surprise to me last month when the big toe on my right foot ended up black after smashing my PB. 'Running's good for you,' they said. 'It'll be fun,' they said. :/

Don't worry, I'm not going to post a photo of this one. It's gross. Apparently it'll just grow out and drop off eventually (the nail, not the toe). I wonder what other things will come up along the way that no one really speaks about...?

This girl can

Cue Missy Elliot. I think this is one of my favourite western female empowerment campaigns I've seen in a while.

When I was growing up I felt like there was always the expectation that sport/fitness was driven to appeal more to boys. I loved running around with my sister, playing games, trying to outrun her & the other girls in our street (although I often fell behind, being the youngest with the littlest legs.) When I reached primary school I played netball but I lost interest in it by the time I was an awkward thirteen year old trying to work out how to survive secondary school. I'd get embarrassed with how red my face went, how awkwardly I moved, how 'unfeminine' I felt & how I so desperately wanted to fit in and make friends. In my head doing exercise and sport made me look ugly and clumsy, rather than strong.

Now I love running. I love being sweaty. I love playing competitive games. I love pushing my body to the limits. I love getting stronger and moving faster. But this was something I only really came to terms with recently. That can be part of my identity, as a woman. It was something that I'd kind of brushed aside, that I wasn't 'sporty' enough. Then I grew up, and I realised it was something I valued and actually enjoyed. It surprised me, but I was glad for the realisation.

This Girl Can is a fucking brilliant campaign. I hope it encourages lots of women and girls to enjoy sport on a much bigger scale.

R.I.P ipod shuffle

This year hasn't started so great as far as the running goes... a whole two weeks off due to sickness and then I returned to Nottingham to find that I'd only gone and bloody put my iPod shuffle in the washing machine. Waaaah! Onwards and upwards.

On the upside I've surpassed 50% of my fundraising target for Scope which is amazing.

Back on the treadmill this afternoon to complete 15K, then will do a 5K recovery run outside later in the week. It seems kind of surreal that I'll be doing a half marathon in 47 days. All the nerves and anxieties about the event seem to be kicking in this week. I don't really know what to expect, and no matter how much I read about the subject, or even how much I actually run before then, nothing can really prepare me for the day itself until it comes along.

Reasons to run

Because I LOVE food. Running makes my bum look good. The feeling of accomplishment when I finish a run longer than I've ever managed before. Having all that time just to myself, in my head, daydreaming wherever the fuck I'd like to go. Having a boiling hot Lush bath or shower right afterwards. Chocolate milk recovery drinks ♥  To look good in my clothes and feel positive about my body. Just incase I ever need to outrun a zombie apocalypse/Hunger Games/I am Legend type situation. Healthy lungs, healthy heart, better circulation. Enjoying all those good endorphins! Pretending to race with the guy next to me on the treadmill. When life is cruel, it gives me a place I can shout & rage against it all; even if it is just inside my head, and in every heavy step. For all the days I have spent curled up in bed feeling sorry for myself. Running to the best music (i.e Tom Jones - It's Not Unusual.) Proving myself wrong when I don't want to run. To make my Mum & Dad proud. Because I have legs and I can bloody well use them. To get closer to completing a marathon. For the wind in my hair & the salt on my skin. So I can wear my nice Sweaty Betty kit. To push myself beyond the limits I give myself.

I will add to this as I go along :)