Here's to 2015

This year has been bloody amazing. For the most part I've really enjoyed myself, spending quality time with friends and family, doing things that make me happy, and doing a job I value and enjoy 99% of the time. Here's my year in review, and my hopes and idea's for what I'd like 2015 to bring.

2014

This was the best year for gigs, perhaps even better than seeing The Rolling Stones in 2013! I didn't manage to do any festivals, but I did see some fave's I've been trying to see for years. John Butler Trio, Ellie Goulding, Edward Sharpe & The Magnetic Zeroes, Eels. I had tears in my eyes more than once. 

Read all the books I wish I'd been able to read during my degree. This year I definitely made up for lost time & read more of what I wanted to. I also had the epiphany mid-March that I had indeed made the right decision in leaving Uni. I was on the wrong course, and I wasn't getting what I wanted from it, and I am thoroughly enjoying life right now. 

Visited lots of other Lush shops to support, and found it terrifying but so rewarding. I don't push my boundaries an awful lot, so this was a good experience of pushing through nerves and anxiety to go somewhere new and do something different. I also got to see a lot more of the UK thanks to my job including Leeds, Peterborough, York, Birmingham & Manchester. Who knows where 2015 will take me.

Completed Race for Life in record time of 26:55. Very proud moment as all the training paid off.

Went to two wonderful weddings. Both my cousin, and Toby's friend from Uni got married this year so we were lucky enough to go to two very different but very beautiful weddings. It's nice getting to dress up fancy, eat free food and prance around every one in a while.

In September we travelled to Moncayolle in France for Moz and Caroline's big party. Spent a long weekend near the Pyrenees camping, drinking, talking, playing volleyball for 6 hours, laughing & being around people I love. Had a fun birthday - went to the Lush spa in Liverpool for a Sound Bath with my Aunt Selina. 

I organised yoga in the loft at work to escape the Christmas craziness & it was perfect. I really enjoyed it, and it was a wicked bonding exercise. It's a shame it's over, but hopefully we can do it again next year. The lady who taught us, Emily, was such a gem. I've done yoga previously and never had such a kind, gentle, intuitive teacher. She taught us so much about listening to ourselves & our bodies, something I had never really experienced during a yoga class. In six brief weeks she taught me an awful lot about myself & I'm so grateful.

2015

I want to run more than I've ever run before. Obviously completing the half marathon is on my list, but I would love to cumulatively run 260KM as that's only a 5K a week which is definitely achievable if I run consistently. 

Learn BSL for work. I'd love to be able to offer deaf customers the same experience as others in store, and build on the sign language I have already learnt. 

Save up and go travelling in the autumn with Toby. We've talked about this literally since we met, and seeing as it's getting on 5 years I think it's about time we get round to it. We're both in a position to save money and be free enough to travel. I'd love to go to Bali and India, but I guess we'll decide during this year. I can't wait for this one :)

Play the guitar more. Whenever I hear anyone play I wish I spent more time with my fingers on the fretboard, now is as good a time as any to start playing more. 

Read and write more. Again just keeping up consistency much like with playing the guitar and running. It's all about using my free time more wisely to do the things that are important to me. 

What are your goals and ambitions for 2015? Did this past year bring you what you expected? 

Week Five: Rest

Christmas had flown by once again, and I've returned from my Mum's after a festive five days. I fully intended on running during the past week, as every week is crucial to get me closer to the half marathon in February, but I ended up spending more time sleeping, eating & playing Cards Against Humanity than I had anticipated.

I was pretty poorly the week before Christmas - and in fact totally lost my voice - so I needed a bit of down time. Mentally I really missed running this week, I needed that rest bite I get from the freedom of running, and the validation I feel after completing a run. But I wasn't well and it's important to learn to listen to my body when it's not right. 

I've since ordered a Garmin Forerunner 10 to help track my runs, and it should arrive tomorrow in time for a pre-work run (weeeee!) and I'm hoping to get myself some snazzy new running tights to keep me going through the cold. It's partly a reward for all the mileage I've already put in, and partly encouragement to keep me going long enough to complete the half in Brighton in 8 weeks. 

Things I've learnt over the past five weeks

• Running is just as mediative as yoga. I love the freedom I have to let my mind run as my body does the hard work. Sometimes it's much harder mentally than physically, when my brain doesn't want to run I've got to carry on anyway, which is something new to me. I'm learning a lot about my boundaries, and more than anything perseverance. My willpower and pain threshold are a lot greater than I thought.
• Eat properly before a run, otherwise prepare to be very uncomfortable. From eating too close to a run causing a bad stitch, to not consuming enough pre-run and having horrible jitters and sickness after a run, it's been a learning curve. Good nutrition is the basis of every good run.
• I won't always want to run, but that doesn't mean I can't run anyway. 

I hope you've all had a fun week relaxing with family and friends, health and happiness to you and yours for a brilliant end to 2014.

The hard work begins here...

Cue hyperventilating. Oh my God. I've actually gone and signed up for the Brighton Half Marathon, which takes place in 92 days. 92 Days! According to google and some guestimation, it is achievable.. so long as I train properly through the winter months.

I decided to fundraise for Scope because they're a wicked charity, who campaign to drive change in the way that society treat disability, and help create equal opportunities for disabled people. This is something close to home that I feel like Toby lives by. From what I know of my Dad, he also spent a large chunk of his life caring for people from lots of different backgrounds, with different levels of ability, with nothing but compassion and a good sense of humour.

Feel free to send some dollar to Scope via me here  as I've only got until Feb to raise £200.

I have legs, I should use them. I know this won't be an easy feat, I'll have to train hard both mentally and physically, but I am excited. Brighton is a beautiful city and I can't wait to run along the seafront.

Running

Two things happened today, that resulted in me ending up here this evening.

1. I picked up a book called ‘Running Like a Girl’ by Alexandra Heminsley in Waterstones today whilst I was procrastinating about going to the gym. I already had my trainers on, but sometimes it takes me a while to get mentally where I need to be for a run. I went to Cafe Nero, for a pre-gym coffee & started reading, and within 20 minutes I was contemplating signing up for the Brighton Marathon next April. She made me want to run, and keep running, and then run some more. I realised how interesting I find it reading about other peoples fitness and running stories: how they started, their struggles, their accomplishments, their motivation, what works and what doesn’t. Essentially why people run (other than the obvious one - to get away from someone/somewhere/something.) 

1. I went to the gym as I intended and I had a really good 10K run. I write it so easily, like I’ve done it so many times before, but it was only my second feat. I’m getting fairly confident and perhaps slightly complacent with running just 5K so I figured it was a good way to step it up. When I was running today I let go. I fully relaxed my mind and let it wonder wherever it wanted to, and it took me back here. A seed was planted mid-run, and I decided that when I got home I’d have a go at writing about my running habits. 

So, here goes nothing!

My Running Goals

Beat my 5K time (26:55)

Beat my 10K time (60:23)

Run a half-marathon

Run a marathon

Run a total of 125K by the end of 2014

Run a total of 200K in 2015

The Wardrobe Doors

I’ve been putting off writing something on here for ages, which is kind of dumb. I just want to write something that really matters, which is silly because life is pretty transient and nothing lasts forever. But as an avid consumer of blogs, books, magazines, vlogs, etc. I want to create something really worthwhile. I’m constantly in awe of brilliant creators and it’s difficult to let it go, and simply create without worrying what brilliant work has come before, and what other people think of me.

 So f*** it I’m going to share something a little different today. 

I’m going to change the direction a little with this one and start to include more arty projects and things I do in my spare time. 

‘The Wardrobe Doors’ began when I was about seventeen. I wasn’t very happy. I’d dropped out of college and was staying in the south of France with my Aunty & Uncle for a while to try and clear my head a bit. On one particularly shitty day, I decided to write a mammoth list of all the things I loved, from silly seemingly insignificant things like coffee and beards, to John (my father and consequently the name of my first guitar.) When I arrived back in England six weeks later, and a little more mentally sound, I decided to write all these words up inside my wardrobe so I could see them every single day, and remember everything I loved about the world when I was struggling to find reasons to remain in it. 

The wardrobe doors remain the same to this day, though I’ve added bits here and there, and as you can see the list has continued to the back wall of the wardrobe. When my Mum eventually moves out of Priory Close I think it’ll be a bastard to paint over that marker pen… if I was a bit more hipster I’d probably write ‘YOLO!’ here, but I’m not so, erm... carpe diem. 

What makes you the happiest version of yourself? What do you love? Leave me lists in the comments, or send me a link to your own. 

:) 

Table Talk

“Why do we mourn celebrities?” I ask Toby over our last mouthfuls of dinner.

“Why do we glorify them?” He so aptly responds.

This question, prompted by the sudden death of Peaches Geldof, baffles me.

Image by Cvrcak1 via Flickr

Rewind to 22nd January 2008. My best friend Emma phones me up whilst I’m getting ready for school. “Oh my god. My mum’s just told me that Heath Ledger’s dead.” We’re both heart-broken. After adoring him on-screen from our early years of adolescence, we spent hours gazing into his eyes, imagining what it’d be like to kiss him (be it Patrick Verona from Ten Things I Hate About You, William from A Knight’s Tale, or even The Joker… he was sexy okay.) I even made a selotaped shrine in my school diary: photo’s, a quote, the date of his birth and death. I probably wore black for a week and a little more eyeliner.

And when I think of his passing, I still feel sort of sad. I’m sad we didn’t get to see all the other brilliant films he might have made, or see him grow up. We are the public, we watch them change, get fat, grow old and wrinkly, and we pass silent judgement. It’s what society does. But we’re also people, we are compassionate, and we like to put ourselves in other peoples shoes, and share in their joys and triumphs, as well as their darker moments.

Image by Amaandassr via Flickr

I thought about writing a letter to his daughter, Matilda, then only three years old, and consoling her. I thought about telling her about how that now I was older I still missed my own Dad, and that you never really forgot some of the small details - that I still remembered little chunks that me and my Dad shared together. The way he dried my hair. The day he found my blanket in the road on his way home & picked it up because it sort of looked like mine, just in case. How he knitted the holes up for me in a clunky way in the wrong shade of orange. I felt like writing down the advice that my Aunt had given me as a child, telling Matilda that even though it was painful, losing my father would make me an emotionally strong and compassionate human being in the long run. It wouldn’t be better, it would be different, but it would be okay.

Why do we glorify them? We spend a lot of time consuming things that they do: films, music, sports, TV shows. Sometimes we spend more time concentrating on them, than we do on actual real human beings in our immediate surroundings. How many times have I sat beside Toby watching a film, and analysed every inch of Joaquin Phoenix’s face blown up 10ft tall on a cinema screen?  I’ve listened to Paolo Nutini on repeat, headphones plugged in, blocking out all other sounds completely, listening only to his voice soothe my woes or cheer up my day. I’m not saying it’s bad either; I love music and art, TV shows and films, and I admire the people who we create them, but we invest so much in them. So much so, that sometimes we forget that we don’t really know these people at all. We think we do, but we don’t really, not at all.

I guess we mourn celebrities because we glorify them. That’s the simple answer. I guess it’s not really that simple at all. The heartbroken sixteen year old in me still wants to have a little cry for Heath Ledger. And maybe that’s alright. Then there’s another more adult voice in my head that says, “You didn’t know him.”

Fitness Tips

Seeing as it’s that time of year when the sun comes out a little bit more (hurray for spring!) and I’ve recently started taking exercise a bit more seriously, I thought I’d share some of my tips for things that have improved my performance over the last few years. I’m by no means a pro, but I enjoy going to the gym and being active, it makes me feel a whole lot happier and I find it a good way of dealing with anxiety. I’m currently focussing on trying to get my 5K time down from 28 minutes to 24, so any training tips would be more than welcome!

Music

Personally a good playlist is my main motivator. If I’m not enjoying the track I’m listening to it will distract me from my run, and annoy the hell out of me until I change the song. I like listening to music that makes me laugh or want to dance. I once had a playlist with ‘It’s Not Unusual’ by Tom Jones which came on whilst I was plugging away on the cross-trainer. I’m glad I didn’t have my contact lenses in that day, no awkward eye-contact after pissing myself laughing. On my own. With headphones in. At a busy gym full of students. But it was a fun workout, and it certainly energised me.


Current favourite running tracks:

• Lethal Bizzle - Police On My Back (you can pretend you’re running away from the police)
• The Streets - Fit But Don’t You Know It 
• Outkast - Bombs Over Baghdad (instant energiser)
• TRex - I Love To Boogie
• Fatboy Slim - That Old Pair Of Jeans
• Mark Ronson ft. Amy Winehouse - Valerie 
• Desmond Dekker & The Acres - Israelites
• Jay-Z & Linkin Park - Numb Encore 
• Foo Fighters - Wheels
• Hot 8 - Sexual Healing

A decent sports bra
Enough said. Any ladies will know how much of a difference a bra that fits you just right can make to any given day. Same goes for exercise: I want something that will keep them in place but not restrict my movement or cut off blood flow to my tits. I currently own a really comfy and relatively cheap Nike sports bra that does a mighty fine job. 


Wiccy Magic Muscles
Since I've started running more, this massage bar has become my new best friend. The clove oil and cinnamon really gets to work stimulating blood flow, and the peppermint oil has a lovely cooling effect on well-used muscles. The brown bits in it are aduki beans, which also give a nice texture to massage with. And it leaves my skin feeling soft and moisturised. Yes please. 

Variety
I’m very much a routine kinda gal. I like the comfort of repetition - it makes me feel less anxious knowing that I’ve already done what I’m doing before, and therefore the chance of something going wrong less likely. (I know this might sound crazy to some people, but it is how it is!) But I also get bored easily of a routine. Over the last four years I’ve done various classes and activities: running, yoga, belly-dancing, cardio at the gym, hulahooping, weight training (small weights mind!) but I tend to do one at a time very rigidly rather than mix it up. I know this isn’t effective. At my peak of physical fitness I was doing a combination of small weights, cardio and hulahooping, and it was varied enough to keep me focussed and happy. I’m trying to get back to that happy place, where I’m doing several different activities a week to help my fitness progress, without losing interest in what I’m doing.

#daretobare

I’ve decided I’d rather not do the no make-up selfie, no offence to those who chose to partake, or to those who have nominated me. 

I’ve already signed up to Race For Life for the third year running, and I don’t see how baring my naked face will really make that much difference. This morning I ran 5k in preparation for said race earlier today, and I feel like that was more productive than the whole photo thing. I’ll donate to charity as and when I choose, not because I want to join in with a trend. Being charitable should be about giving to causes you respect, or doing something awe-inspiring to raise money for a charity that personally resonates with you. It shouldn’t be about vanity, or about saying ‘Hey look at me! Aren’t I great because I’m giving to charity!’ It makes me feel a bit uneasy. I know the selfie idea was simply a quick and easy way for people to encourage others to give, but I feel just as cornered and pressured to donate and join in, as I do when I walk down the street and am approached by six charity-muggers in a row trying to get me to sign up for this that or the other. 

Being charitable is also just about being nice to other human beings. Why don't we all try to do a bit more of that?

Don't get me wrong; it’s great that the social media stunt has raised over 2 million for Cancer Research UK amongst other charities, but part of me wishes the idea wasn’t centred around women being ‘brave’ for baring a face without makeup. Fighting cancer and illness is brave. Wearing no make up simply goes against our modern conception of beauty, which also makes me feel queasy. Women, just like men, should be able to paint and clothe their skin however they choose. It shouldn’t be considered an act of bravery to do so. In this day and age it makes me feel pretty sad that we are so stuck in this bullshit sexist mindset.

Growing up with a mother, who I have seen wear make-up maybe three times in my life, who I have never doubted was the strongest, bravest woman I know. It feels like I'm betraying everything she taught me about beauty, self-worth and being a courageous independent woman (cue sassy Destiny's Child music.)

Please leave your thoughts in the comments, I know this has been a bit of a controversial subject on Facebook & Twitter so I'll be interested to see what you think. 

An amendment to the previous post, added Sunday 6th April 2014 


After a bit of feedback I just wanted to reiterate that I'm not condemning people who have chosen to do the selfie. It has undoubtedly brought a lot of money to a lot of brilliant charities. That is completely undeniable. And there is a sort of 'all us girls together' camaraderie, which again is by no means a bad thing. If we can all join together to do something positive then great! 

My issue isn't with people wearing makeup, or not wearing makeup. I made it clear in the last post that I think men and women should be able to paint or clothe their bodies however they so choose. If you feel comfortable wearing or not wearing makeup, fab. Don't feel like you have to wear makeup if you don't want to, and vice versa. I did mention my own mum as a personal role model, who happens not to wear makeup. I also happen to have loads of other role models who do wear makeup. That's not the issue. My issue is with the word 'dare' in 'dare to bear'. Daring connotes some kind of risk, an ergo bravery to post a picture of us without makeup. Will we be taken more or less seriously when we take off the war paint?  Will we been seen equal to men?  

On a side note I’m kind of curious as to how many people who donated or took a selfie, actually checked their breasts after doing so? 

Top Five Lush Favourites

1.Eau Roma Toner Water 

I never really understood the point of toners. What is toning? Why is it something I need to do? I figured it was another bullshit marketing ploy. Boy was I wrong. Lush's toner waters are blended with essential oils; Eau Roma Toner is blended with lavender and rose oil. Rose - if you didn't already know - is great for reducing redness (which I have lots of... Thanks for the genes Ma & Pa!) and lavender is great for healing scars and balancing oil production. So it makes my skin feel lovely jubbly. Toners act as a moisturiser for the deeper layers of the skin, and help prepare new skin so it grows lovely and healthily. These are also wicked for the summer, simply to cool down your skin whilst adding lots of minerals and nutrients. Delicious!

2. Twilight Bath Bomb

I always thought I didn't like lavender that much. It reminds me of older ladies, and those scented bags you get to put inside your pillow. But the lavender in Twilight is blended with Tonka (comes from the same family as vanilla) which gives it this lovely sweet edge, and kind of reminds me of malted milk biscuits. Plus it's a beaut in the water, you can’t go wrong with a nice hot bath. 

3. HQ perfume

Simple. So I can smell like Lush all day long every day. This is a limited edition perfume that I got from the pop up perfume gallery in London last year which was AMAZING. Unfortunately there's no link to prove this one's existence as it's only available from the founding Lush shop in Poole.

4. Ultrabland/Herbalism

I've slightly cheated by putting these two together as they are indeed separate products… but I love them equally, and on a daily basis I rarely use one without the other. 

Herbalism doesn't smell great, if I’m honest. It smells medicinal which I think the rice vinegar and witch hazel have something to do with, but it works wonders on my skin. I tend to get a lot of spots on my chin so I need something to maintain healthy oil production and prevent breakouts. On the whole the rest of my skin is fairly dry, so i do use a really creamy moisturiser after this (Celestial if you’re interested.) Initially I had reservations about using Herbalism because I thought it was mainly for acne-prone oily skin. But I love how clean it makes my skin feel, and generally my skin is a lot clearer these days. Nice one Herbalism!

Ultrabland is a really simple concoction of beeswax and rose infusion amongst other lovely ingredients. I tend to use this one to take off my makeup at the end of the day, as I wear a heck of a lot of eye makeup and need something heavy duty to take it off. It feels quite oily, sort of like rubbing butter on your face, but if you take it off properly with hot water and cotton pads or a flannel it shouldn't make your skin greasy.

5. R&B Hair Moisturiser

I'm not going to lie, when I first saw this I had two reservations. One being the price tag, and the other being that I don't have afro-carribean hair. However I sampled it after how much everyone else raves about it, and I was rather impressed.

R&B smells absolutely delicious, and you only need a teeny tiny weeny little bit, so actually it isn't that expensive when you consider how long a whole pot will last - my sample lasted me weeks! Bear in mind it's also not a product you need to use every day. It helps with managing the amount of hair I have, and tame my curls when they escape. 

So what have I learned from my Lush fave's?  Try things even if you're not sure that they're made for you. I'd gotten so used to boxing myself in my different skin/hair types - because that's how lots of shops market their products, e.g. " This conditioner is for dry hair. This moisturiser is for sensitive skin." Try breaking away from those constrictions, as you might find something you really like. Also skin and hair constantly change with weather, hormones, diet, stress (the list goes on!) so it's difficult to pin yourself down to one particular type; I think that’s why we end up saying ‘combination skin’. But everyone is different, and don’t knock something until you’ve tried it!

It's The Magical Mystical Kind

Edward Sharpe and The Magnetic Zeroes 

Dublin, Olympia Theatre. Sunday 9th February

Wow. What a blur. What a magical evening. 

Watching the warmup, I'll be honest, I wasn't too sure. It was made up of a guy called Harper Simon with some friends. There was a cello, a violin, a guitar, a clarinet and a French horn (I think). They played well enough, but it was a bit wishy washy and drowned out in the bustling chit-chatting crowd. It got a bit more exciting when a few of The Magnetic Zeroes joined them on stage, but it was all a bit too samey for me. 

And then the calm before the storm... It seemed like an eternity between the warm up and the main show, with all the excitement I had brewing in my stomach. In the boxes on the right of the stage I swear to god I even saw a lady on the balcony knitting whilst she waited.

I tried to get a photo of the knitting lady but you can't see the needles... and the photo quality is shocking. Sorry internet.

Alex from ESATMZ is famous for saying they never have a set list, and true to his word he asked the audience what they wanted, and played whatever he heard the punters shout. They obviously did the big ones like 40 Day Dream (now featured on a snazzy car advert, you'll probably know it even if you think you don't) and Home, but they also did quite a few I'd not heard. This was largely due to the fact that I've only fully listened to their debut album  Up From Below, and need to catch up on what they've done more recently. But it was all wonderful. 

Jade was beautiful, she wore a mid length dress with beautiful detail, it looked a mauve colour under the lighting but I can't be sure. She smiled like a child the whole night, so pure, it was mesmirising. Alex commandeered the stage, a true frontman for the band. And I got to know a few more of the ten strong band, though names escape me. There was a percussionist/other vocalist who was amazing. He took the centre stage for a song called Motion Animal, and it was absolutely electric. Wikipedia (reliable source) tells me his name is Christopher 'Crash' Richard. He was so talented, as were the whole band in their own individual right, but I guess because Alex and Jade speak to each other in Home people tend to know them the most. 

Speaking of, when they got to the instrumental bit in Home where on the recorded track Jade and Alexander have a conversation about the time Jade fell out a window. I was curious as to how they'd play this... And they didn't disappoint. They asked one another if either had a story, and then Jade told the story of the first time they'd visited Dublin, then they asked the audience if anyone had any stories. Obviously they were restricted to the first few rows, but they handed the mic to one lady who said, "Joe if you're here tonight, I am so sorry. I love you and I am so so sorry." It wasn't so much a story as a public apology, but it was sweet and everyone was so caught up in the moment. We didn't find out if their story had a happy ending, but it was still sweet. I wonder what she did in the first place...

And hallelujah they didn't do an encore. And I didn't want one. Me and Toby are forever going to gigs and saying that we wish they'd just stay on rather than doing the whole, 'We're going, oh no we're not!' pantomime-esque camaraderie, and finally a musician with some sense! I had a listen to the Jo Wiley ESATMZ show last night, and Alexander said they didn't do them because that way you get to play for longer, and I suppose it's probably easier than getting 10 band members on and off stage then back on for another 10 minutes. I was very grateful for this development.

Would I see them again? Yes, in a heartbeat. I feel like I fell in love with each and every one of them, along with everyone in the crowd whilst I was in that room. In a word: magical.