I'm going on a bear hunt

Truth be told, I'm a scaredy cat. It's the little things that make me feel uneasy.

Catching buses. Meeting people (whether I've known them years or five minutes). Going to new places. Making small talk. Waiting awkwardly at the counter in Pret for my coffee to be made. Clothes shopping. Eating in front of other people. Going to the gym. Being in clubs/pubs/bars/anywhere there's a delightful combination of alcohol and strangers.

But that's the exact reason I've always tried to push my boundaries. I need to be a yes man screaming 'YES!' from the top of my lungs, otherwise I'd struggle to get out the house most days.

It's the reason I uprooted my life from Devon to Nottingham alone when I was eighteen. The same reason I took the job in Kingston. The reason I'm flying to Bali on my own in two days time.

I've long had this deep seated belief that I need to move, in rather extreme ways, to get past the fear. People sometimes tell me I'm brave. Quietly I tell myself I'm mad. I don't feel like I have a choice; it feels more like an impulse. I get an idea of somewhere I need to be, and I follow my gut. It's that simple. It doesn't matter if I'm scared, or anxious, or excited, because I'll probably feel all those things wherever I go. All that matters is that I listen, really closely to what I really need. And that's why I'm here, and that's why I'm headed where I'm going.