Reasons to run

Because I LOVE food. Running makes my bum look good. The feeling of accomplishment when I finish a run longer than I've ever managed before. Having all that time just to myself, in my head, daydreaming wherever the fuck I'd like to go. Having a boiling hot Lush bath or shower right afterwards. Chocolate milk recovery drinks ♥  To look good in my clothes and feel positive about my body. Just incase I ever need to outrun a zombie apocalypse/Hunger Games/I am Legend type situation. Healthy lungs, healthy heart, better circulation. Enjoying all those good endorphins! Pretending to race with the guy next to me on the treadmill. When life is cruel, it gives me a place I can shout & rage against it all; even if it is just inside my head, and in every heavy step. For all the days I have spent curled up in bed feeling sorry for myself. Running to the best music (i.e Tom Jones - It's Not Unusual.) Proving myself wrong when I don't want to run. To make my Mum & Dad proud. Because I have legs and I can bloody well use them. To get closer to completing a marathon. For the wind in my hair & the salt on my skin. So I can wear my nice Sweaty Betty kit. To push myself beyond the limits I give myself.

I will add to this as I go along :) 

Here's to 2015

This year has been bloody amazing. For the most part I've really enjoyed myself, spending quality time with friends and family, doing things that make me happy, and doing a job I value and enjoy 99% of the time. Here's my year in review, and my hopes and idea's for what I'd like 2015 to bring.

2014

This was the best year for gigs, perhaps even better than seeing The Rolling Stones in 2013! I didn't manage to do any festivals, but I did see some fave's I've been trying to see for years. John Butler Trio, Ellie Goulding, Edward Sharpe & The Magnetic Zeroes, Eels. I had tears in my eyes more than once. 

Read all the books I wish I'd been able to read during my degree. This year I definitely made up for lost time & read more of what I wanted to. I also had the epiphany mid-March that I had indeed made the right decision in leaving Uni. I was on the wrong course, and I wasn't getting what I wanted from it, and I am thoroughly enjoying life right now. 

Visited lots of other Lush shops to support, and found it terrifying but so rewarding. I don't push my boundaries an awful lot, so this was a good experience of pushing through nerves and anxiety to go somewhere new and do something different. I also got to see a lot more of the UK thanks to my job including Leeds, Peterborough, York, Birmingham & Manchester. Who knows where 2015 will take me.

Completed Race for Life in record time of 26:55. Very proud moment as all the training paid off.

Went to two wonderful weddings. Both my cousin, and Toby's friend from Uni got married this year so we were lucky enough to go to two very different but very beautiful weddings. It's nice getting to dress up fancy, eat free food and prance around every one in a while.

In September we travelled to Moncayolle in France for Moz and Caroline's big party. Spent a long weekend near the Pyrenees camping, drinking, talking, playing volleyball for 6 hours, laughing & being around people I love. Had a fun birthday - went to the Lush spa in Liverpool for a Sound Bath with my Aunt Selina. 

I organised yoga in the loft at work to escape the Christmas craziness & it was perfect. I really enjoyed it, and it was a wicked bonding exercise. It's a shame it's over, but hopefully we can do it again next year. The lady who taught us, Emily, was such a gem. I've done yoga previously and never had such a kind, gentle, intuitive teacher. She taught us so much about listening to ourselves & our bodies, something I had never really experienced during a yoga class. In six brief weeks she taught me an awful lot about myself & I'm so grateful.

2015

I want to run more than I've ever run before. Obviously completing the half marathon is on my list, but I would love to cumulatively run 260KM as that's only a 5K a week which is definitely achievable if I run consistently. 

Learn BSL for work. I'd love to be able to offer deaf customers the same experience as others in store, and build on the sign language I have already learnt. 

Save up and go travelling in the autumn with Toby. We've talked about this literally since we met, and seeing as it's getting on 5 years I think it's about time we get round to it. We're both in a position to save money and be free enough to travel. I'd love to go to Bali and India, but I guess we'll decide during this year. I can't wait for this one :)

Play the guitar more. Whenever I hear anyone play I wish I spent more time with my fingers on the fretboard, now is as good a time as any to start playing more. 

Read and write more. Again just keeping up consistency much like with playing the guitar and running. It's all about using my free time more wisely to do the things that are important to me. 

What are your goals and ambitions for 2015? Did this past year bring you what you expected? 

Week Five: Rest

Christmas had flown by once again, and I've returned from my Mum's after a festive five days. I fully intended on running during the past week, as every week is crucial to get me closer to the half marathon in February, but I ended up spending more time sleeping, eating & playing Cards Against Humanity than I had anticipated.

I was pretty poorly the week before Christmas - and in fact totally lost my voice - so I needed a bit of down time. Mentally I really missed running this week, I needed that rest bite I get from the freedom of running, and the validation I feel after completing a run. But I wasn't well and it's important to learn to listen to my body when it's not right. 

I've since ordered a Garmin Forerunner 10 to help track my runs, and it should arrive tomorrow in time for a pre-work run (weeeee!) and I'm hoping to get myself some snazzy new running tights to keep me going through the cold. It's partly a reward for all the mileage I've already put in, and partly encouragement to keep me going long enough to complete the half in Brighton in 8 weeks. 

Things I've learnt over the past five weeks

• Running is just as mediative as yoga. I love the freedom I have to let my mind run as my body does the hard work. Sometimes it's much harder mentally than physically, when my brain doesn't want to run I've got to carry on anyway, which is something new to me. I'm learning a lot about my boundaries, and more than anything perseverance. My willpower and pain threshold are a lot greater than I thought.
• Eat properly before a run, otherwise prepare to be very uncomfortable. From eating too close to a run causing a bad stitch, to not consuming enough pre-run and having horrible jitters and sickness after a run, it's been a learning curve. Good nutrition is the basis of every good run.
• I won't always want to run, but that doesn't mean I can't run anyway. 

I hope you've all had a fun week relaxing with family and friends, health and happiness to you and yours for a brilliant end to 2014.

The hard work begins here...

Cue hyperventilating. Oh my God. I've actually gone and signed up for the Brighton Half Marathon, which takes place in 92 days. 92 Days! According to google and some guestimation, it is achievable.. so long as I train properly through the winter months.

I decided to fundraise for Scope because they're a wicked charity, who campaign to drive change in the way that society treat disability, and help create equal opportunities for disabled people. This is something close to home that I feel like Toby lives by. From what I know of my Dad, he also spent a large chunk of his life caring for people from lots of different backgrounds, with different levels of ability, with nothing but compassion and a good sense of humour.

Feel free to send some dollar to Scope via me here  as I've only got until Feb to raise £200.

I have legs, I should use them. I know this won't be an easy feat, I'll have to train hard both mentally and physically, but I am excited. Brighton is a beautiful city and I can't wait to run along the seafront.

Running

Two things happened today, that resulted in me ending up here this evening.

1. I picked up a book called ‘Running Like a Girl’ by Alexandra Heminsley in Waterstones today whilst I was procrastinating about going to the gym. I already had my trainers on, but sometimes it takes me a while to get mentally where I need to be for a run. I went to Cafe Nero, for a pre-gym coffee & started reading, and within 20 minutes I was contemplating signing up for the Brighton Marathon next April. She made me want to run, and keep running, and then run some more. I realised how interesting I find it reading about other peoples fitness and running stories: how they started, their struggles, their accomplishments, their motivation, what works and what doesn’t. Essentially why people run (other than the obvious one - to get away from someone/somewhere/something.) 

1. I went to the gym as I intended and I had a really good 10K run. I write it so easily, like I’ve done it so many times before, but it was only my second feat. I’m getting fairly confident and perhaps slightly complacent with running just 5K so I figured it was a good way to step it up. When I was running today I let go. I fully relaxed my mind and let it wonder wherever it wanted to, and it took me back here. A seed was planted mid-run, and I decided that when I got home I’d have a go at writing about my running habits. 

So, here goes nothing!

My Running Goals

Beat my 5K time (26:55)

Beat my 10K time (60:23)

Run a half-marathon

Run a marathon

Run a total of 125K by the end of 2014

Run a total of 200K in 2015

The Wardrobe Doors

I’ve been putting off writing something on here for ages, which is kind of dumb. I just want to write something that really matters, which is silly because life is pretty transient and nothing lasts forever. But as an avid consumer of blogs, books, magazines, vlogs, etc. I want to create something really worthwhile. I’m constantly in awe of brilliant creators and it’s difficult to let it go, and simply create without worrying what brilliant work has come before, and what other people think of me.

 So f*** it I’m going to share something a little different today. 

I’m going to change the direction a little with this one and start to include more arty projects and things I do in my spare time. 

‘The Wardrobe Doors’ began when I was about seventeen. I wasn’t very happy. I’d dropped out of college and was staying in the south of France with my Aunty & Uncle for a while to try and clear my head a bit. On one particularly shitty day, I decided to write a mammoth list of all the things I loved, from silly seemingly insignificant things like coffee and beards, to John (my father and consequently the name of my first guitar.) When I arrived back in England six weeks later, and a little more mentally sound, I decided to write all these words up inside my wardrobe so I could see them every single day, and remember everything I loved about the world when I was struggling to find reasons to remain in it. 

The wardrobe doors remain the same to this day, though I’ve added bits here and there, and as you can see the list has continued to the back wall of the wardrobe. When my Mum eventually moves out of Priory Close I think it’ll be a bastard to paint over that marker pen… if I was a bit more hipster I’d probably write ‘YOLO!’ here, but I’m not so, erm... carpe diem. 

What makes you the happiest version of yourself? What do you love? Leave me lists in the comments, or send me a link to your own. 

:) 

Table Talk

“Why do we mourn celebrities?” I ask Toby over our last mouthfuls of dinner.

“Why do we glorify them?” He so aptly responds.

This question, prompted by the sudden death of Peaches Geldof, baffles me.

Image by Cvrcak1 via Flickr

Rewind to 22nd January 2008. My best friend Emma phones me up whilst I’m getting ready for school. “Oh my god. My mum’s just told me that Heath Ledger’s dead.” We’re both heart-broken. After adoring him on-screen from our early years of adolescence, we spent hours gazing into his eyes, imagining what it’d be like to kiss him (be it Patrick Verona from Ten Things I Hate About You, William from A Knight’s Tale, or even The Joker… he was sexy okay.) I even made a selotaped shrine in my school diary: photo’s, a quote, the date of his birth and death. I probably wore black for a week and a little more eyeliner.

And when I think of his passing, I still feel sort of sad. I’m sad we didn’t get to see all the other brilliant films he might have made, or see him grow up. We are the public, we watch them change, get fat, grow old and wrinkly, and we pass silent judgement. It’s what society does. But we’re also people, we are compassionate, and we like to put ourselves in other peoples shoes, and share in their joys and triumphs, as well as their darker moments.

Image by Amaandassr via Flickr

I thought about writing a letter to his daughter, Matilda, then only three years old, and consoling her. I thought about telling her about how that now I was older I still missed my own Dad, and that you never really forgot some of the small details - that I still remembered little chunks that me and my Dad shared together. The way he dried my hair. The day he found my blanket in the road on his way home & picked it up because it sort of looked like mine, just in case. How he knitted the holes up for me in a clunky way in the wrong shade of orange. I felt like writing down the advice that my Aunt had given me as a child, telling Matilda that even though it was painful, losing my father would make me an emotionally strong and compassionate human being in the long run. It wouldn’t be better, it would be different, but it would be okay.

Why do we glorify them? We spend a lot of time consuming things that they do: films, music, sports, TV shows. Sometimes we spend more time concentrating on them, than we do on actual real human beings in our immediate surroundings. How many times have I sat beside Toby watching a film, and analysed every inch of Joaquin Phoenix’s face blown up 10ft tall on a cinema screen?  I’ve listened to Paolo Nutini on repeat, headphones plugged in, blocking out all other sounds completely, listening only to his voice soothe my woes or cheer up my day. I’m not saying it’s bad either; I love music and art, TV shows and films, and I admire the people who we create them, but we invest so much in them. So much so, that sometimes we forget that we don’t really know these people at all. We think we do, but we don’t really, not at all.

I guess we mourn celebrities because we glorify them. That’s the simple answer. I guess it’s not really that simple at all. The heartbroken sixteen year old in me still wants to have a little cry for Heath Ledger. And maybe that’s alright. Then there’s another more adult voice in my head that says, “You didn’t know him.”