Admitting defeat

It's not easy for me to say. I'm a perfectionist and I really don't like letting people down. This horrible guilt sits on my chest, the pressure to be perfect comes from within and no one in my life expects more of me than I do.

With all the craziness going on in my life over the last three months I've not been able to run as much as I needed to prepare for the Brighton half marathon. So... I've had to postpone my place until next year. Totally gutted. A month ago I told myself I wouldn't let it stop me, and that if I gave up on this then I'd give up on other things and this year would be full of closed opportunities. But that's not what it's about. It's about understanding my mental health, and accepting that sometimes it is totally debilitating.

All the donations made so far will carry over to next year, so all is not lost. I wish my head had been in a different space and that I'd felt well enough to run but it's felt totally out of my control up until very recently when I've been able to be more pro-active about addressing the current problems in my life. I wish I'd felt well enough to run, but that's not the case and I can't beat myself up about it. Leaving the house has been hard enough, let alone running 10K+ each week. And that's okay. If I had a physical injury I wouldn't be so hard on myself about pulling out, sure I'd be disappointed but I wouldn't berate myself or worry what people think of me. 

If you've sponsored me so far, thank you so much. I appreciate your encouragement and as soon as I'm able to run another event for them I will, and the money already raised will still go directly to Scope.

Scope training day

This weekend I travelled down to London for a runners training session led by Rhian Martin at Scope HQ. I was pretty nervous, but I knew it'd be a good experience to get some final words of wisdom before the Brighton Half in 27 days (eek!)

Photo courtesy of http://www.run247.com

We covered lots of ground in the four hour session, from nutrition and kit, to a practical including running technique, speed work and stretching tips. We had a chat from a lovely lady from Six Physio  called Emily, who demonstrated how to use a foam roller - which I have since ordered... oh my goodness! Amazing. Who needs a personal masseuse when you've got a foam roller? 

We were also lucky to get a little goodie bag, including a TORQ gel which I'm looking forward to trying on my next run. Rhubarb and Custard flavour - will either be absolutely disgusting or amazing - will let you know.

I didn't meet anyone else doing the Brighton Half, most of the people there were either doing the London or Brighton marathon, but it was great to meet lots of like-minded people, all with different goals, experience and expectations for race day. It made me realise how up in Nottingham I don't really have anyone to talk about running with, or go and run with! I'll definitely rethink joining a running club, and getting out there a bit more. It's given me a massive boost of confidence and although I'm still nervous about Feb 22nd, I feel like I'm definitely doing the right thing.